10 MINUTES OF AL JOKES!

Introduction

Scene 1: The Charger

Alex: Hey man, can I get my charger back?

Friend: Uh, what do you mean?

Alex: What part of "my charger" don’t you understand? You don't get to decide if my battery's low enough for me to get my charger back. When I ask you for my charger back, you give it back. I don’t care if you need it more than I do. Do you understand?

Friend: Here, take it. Hey, also, I might let you borrow a pen. Can I get that back too?

Alex: But I need it more than you!

Scene 2: Heaven's Gate

Alex: Hey there, name a cause of death.

Gatekeeper: Yeah, Alex said I was killed by a train.

Alex: I’m sorry to hear that. Do you have any questions for me?

Gatekeeper: Yeah, actually, why’d you make me gay?

Alex (confused): What’s that?

Gatekeeper: Why’d you make me gay? I’m not complaining, but it made my life a lot harder.

Alex: I don’t know what you’re talking about. I didn’t make anybody gay. Everyone chooses who or what they’re attracted to.

Gatekeeper: Well really, but I thought—wait, did you eat a lot of broccoli growing up?

Gatekeeper: Yeah, my parents were strict about that.

Alex: Well, there you have it. Broccoli makes people gay.

Gatekeeper (in disbelief): Broccoli makes people gay?

Scene 3: Meeting Hitler

Gatekeeper: Hey, how’s it going, welcome to Heaven, what’s your name?

Alex: Uh, Alex.

Gatekeeper: Just a couple rules before I let you in. This is a picture-free zone. Wait, who is that? Is that Hitler?

Alex (shocked): Uh, yeah, what is he doing here?

Gatekeeper: Actually, a great guy, lot of people misunderstood him—nah, I’m just kidding, come on in. And that’s Charlie Chaplin, don’t worry about it.

Scene 4: Awkward Family Dinner

Alex's Girlfriend: Hey baby, before we get there I should warn you, my family’s kind of intense. My brother is really sensitive, my dad is kinda racist, and my mom is really hard on people.

Alex: Well, I’m a straight white male, shouldn’t be a problem.

Girlfriend’s Dad: Hey there son, you must be Alex. Nice to meet you. Glad Jessica finally brought home one of our own. Good thing he’s a man too, right? Someone who can actually drive...

Scene 5: Racist Joke

Alex: So, turns out we didn’t actually ask 100 plus size models, we only asked 50. They counted pounds and assumed it was 100 people. Well, stick around because when we get back, I have here the most racist joke ever.

Person: Can I see it?

Alex: Yes, but I warn you, it’s shockingly racist.

Person (after reading): Wow, that’s unbelievably bad...

Scene 6: Baby Revelation

Doctor: Well sir, your baby is healthy. But there’s something else I need to tell you. Your baby is black.

Father: What?! My baby is African-American?!

Doctor: Yes, and I ran a paternity test, you are the father.

Father (in disbelief): How? Am I black?

Doctor: No sir, you’re just racist. Your wife is black.

Father (to wife): How could you not tell me you’re black?

Wife: I’m black?

Scene 7: Earring Mix-Up

Friend: Oh, you got your ear pierced on the left, not the right.

Alex: Yeah, so?

Friend: Well, historically if you got only one ear pierced on the right, it means you’re gay.

Alex: You think I’m gay?

Scene 8: Wishlist Chaos

Person 1: I wish I had a trillion dollars. I wish all my exes would die in a fiery car crash. And I guess I wish people would like me.

Person 2: Dude, what are you doing?

Plan Coordinator: Okay, so all your exes are dead, $ 1.3 trillion dollars acquired. But getting people to like you? Unsuccessful.

Person 1: Why?

Plan Coordinator: Turns out mass murder and acquiring wealth is easier than getting people to like you.

Scene 9: New Race Invention

Creator: We currently have blacks, Asians, Hispanics, Muslims... we need one more race. I introduce you to the white person.

Colleague: Where do they rank in terms of intelligence and physical prowess?

Creator: Middle of the pack for both.

Colleague: And size?

Creator: Four to seven inches.

Colleague: So, they’re below average?

Creator: Oh yeah, definitely.

Scene 10: Finding the Best Friend

Host: You have seven men behind each of these doors. One of them is your lifelong friend, the rest are just friends. You will send a text message to each, containing one word. The goal is to identify your best friend.

Alex: Got it.

Scene 11: Seeing the Future

Friend 1: Just a heads up, you can see into the future?

Friend 2: Yeah, but only three seconds into the future.

Friend 1: Well, that’s kind of gay.

Friend 2: Yeah, exactly what I was going to say.

Friend 1: How?

Friend 2: I can see three seconds into the future.

Friend 3: No way, I can too, but only two seconds into the future.

Friend 1: Well, that’s gay.

Friend 3: Exactly! How’d you know?

Friend 1: I can see into the future as well...

Friend 4: Me too, but for one second.

Friend 1: Well, that's kind of...

Keywords

• Humor
• Charger
• Heaven
• Racism
• LGBTQ
• Wish
• Future
• Family
• Friendship
• Race invention
• Baby revelation

FAQ

Q1: What is the main theme of this article? A: The main theme revolves around humorous situations and dialogues depicting various social interactions and stereotypes.

Q2: What kind of humor is used in these jokes? A: The humor ranges from situational comedy and irony to social critique and satire.

Q3: Are all jokes in the article appropriate for all audiences? A: Some jokes may touch on sensitive topics like racism, sexuality, and stereotypes, which may not be suitable for all audiences. Viewer discretion is advised.