5 Parenting Tips for Raising Resilient, Self-Reliant Kids | Tameka Montgomery | TED

Introduction

Raising self-reliant kids who have initiative, resilience, and problem-solving skills can be challenging. As a mom of three boys, I continuously asked myself how to achieve this. Our natural instincts often lead us to shield our children from hurt and disappointment, heavily praise them, indulge them, and intervene to prevent failure. However, these well-meaning actions can inadvertently create children who fear taking risks, lack confidence, and are hesitant to step into adulthood.

The concern is reflected in statistics, such as the 2019 Pew Research study showing that 52% of young adults live at home—the highest since the Great Depression. This situation suggests that young adults are stuck between adolescence and adulthood.

So, the key question emerges: how do we raise self-reliant kids who take initiative, are resilient, and can solve problems? I believe the answer lies in fostering an entrepreneurial mindset in our children. Entrepreneurial skills and mindsets, which I observed in adult entrepreneurs over my 20-year career, can drive resilience and self-reliance when instilled from a young age.

My Journey with Entrepreneurial Parenting

My husband and I embarked on a 15-year journey to raise entrepreneurial kids. Our practical experience with our eldest son, Silas, began when he was nine. He wanted to travel to Colorado to visit his grandmother, but our budget couldn't cover an additional ticket. We told him he could go if he could buy his own ticket, which was about $ 300. Unexpectedly, he asked if he could find free stuff on Craigslist and resell it. He hustled that summer, baked cookies, washed cars, and ultimately earned enough for his ticket and bought me a gift as well.

The Five Strategies for Raising Entrepreneurial Kids

From numerous interviews and personal experience, I distilled five strategies to disrupt conventional parenting approaches and raise resilient and self-reliant kids with an entrepreneurial mindset:

1. Don't Give an Allowance: Instead of giving children an allowance, challenge them to start a business. This teaches them the value of money and vital skills like financial literacy, public speaking, and confidence.

2. Make Them Pay for Their Wants: Personal responsibility and ownership are cornerstone skills. We started this with 'daddy dollars' earned through chores and positive behavior. The boys used these 'daddy dollars' to buy their first bikes. When planning a family trip to Tanzania in 2019, they had to earn money to buy their tickets by selling bracelets.

3. Reduce Their Prosperity: Overindulgence can create entitlement. Encourage your children to want something enough to work for it, maintaining their drive and hunger.

4. Let Them Be Delight Directed: Foster a love for learning by allowing children to follow their interests. My son Isaiah, for example, pursued his passion for drawing, which led to designing logos for people and winning awards.

5. Let Them Solve Their Own Problems: Encourage problem-solving by resisting the urge to intervene immediately. This builds their confidence and capability to find solutions independently.

Raising entrepreneurial kids isn't necessarily about guiding them into business ownership; it's about equipping them with life skills. When children are taught to take risks, learn from failure, and bounce back from rejection, they are better prepared for a fulfilling and successful life.

Thank you.