HFY Sci-Fi Stories: NOT YOU MOTHERF*CKERS AGAIN!

HFY Sci-Fi Stories: NOT YOU MOTHERF*CKERS AGAIN!

Introduction

Ambassador Vox sighed heavily, his disdain clear as he proclaimed, "Not you again! I was really hoping I wouldn't have to deal with the human plague during my term here. Speak your bit before we blast you to the Stone Age Again. How many planets have you spread to this time?"

The human stood there, cocking his head to the side, a manner reminiscent of a canine deep in thought. "Well," the human responded, "we have a few outposts on our Moon, and we've built a sort of Pueblo City in a canyon on Mars. There's the scientific bases on Europa and Ganymede, and I was on a mission to Proxima when I was intercepted."

Vox responded, "Don't bother with Proxima. We've already confined your species to that system. We don't need them learning FTL again."

The Human Response

The human cocked his head again, seemingly cute in its thinking. "No," he said. "We've been communicating, but they never mentioned any of that. Never mentioned you guys, or a big space station, or a Galactic Council. They aren't going to like this."

Vox’s History Lesson

"Okay," the Ambassador stated, "your race is little more than a virus. We don't know who engineered you, but you destroy everything you touch. Multiple times we've had to handle you at your Source World. Complete eradication is the obvious answer, but the Council always forces us to cut your numbers and strip you of your technology. We can glass any colony worlds in your own system, but due to bureaucracy, we just trap any outside worlds like the two around Proxima."

The Human’s Declaration

"Well," said the human, "guess we are at war, then. These false accusations—our entire history goes back maybe 30,000 years. We only recently figured out fusion, and FTL is close but not quite there. We are maybe 89% capable. In fact, my entire crew is still in stasis; I was about to enter myself before your destroyer captured my ship."

A Persistent Threat

"Destroyer, eh? No, that was a simple patrol vessel. It lies dormant just outside the Sol system, waiting for you to inevitably leave. It actually had a difficult time catching you. You see, we don't travel faster than light; we cheat. Your ship was doing 125% sent light speed. The collector array at the front of your ship seems to violate the galactic constant. This, of course, is new but 30,000 years? Try about 4 million. Your people have been an epidemic in this quadrant for millions of years."

Cycles of Destruction

The human laughed, a reaction that didn’t amuse Vox. "The first time you were FTL capable, we welcomed you with open arms—a new species with so much drive. It was exciting. And then—war. You nuke entire planets over the silliest, most marginal reasons. Entire species are gone because of you. You strip planets of resources instead of restructuring hydrogen into everything. You always split into slavery factions, war factions. You can't maintain a singular viewpoint. Despite that being your biggest weakness, I personally do applaud that. You would be absolutely devastating as a hive mind."

A Cautionary Tale

"So, we decimated your population, confining you to your home world, knocking you back a few eons. After that, roughly every 300,000 years, you'd eventually discover nuclear weaponry, and a few decades later, you'd be space-faring. Quite often you'd actually power your crafts with nukes. Imagine a giant bullet filled with humans surfing a wave of explosions. It's humanity in a nutshell."

Variations of Humanity

"Most of the time, you just wipe yourselves out. You get almost to Type-II civilization, and then nuke yourselves back to the Stone Age, eradicating any traces of your existence. Lemuria, Atlantis—these civilizations actually existed much further back than your Plato had suggested."

Repeated Wars

"One time we made the mistake of giving you another chance. You didn’t utilize nuclear power; you figured out how to draw it from the very ether of the veil. Your planet was clean, and your people were united. That was a mistake. You immediately bonded with the Brood."

"The Brood were a previous colony of yours in the Sirius system. Somehow you both reached FTL simultaneously and learned of your past, and that was when Humanity declared war on the entire Council out of spite. You almost won that war too. We had to glass the Sirius system and once again push you back to your home world. We decided to freeze it."

The Persistent Issue

"We thought that would hold you back for a while. No. The last time it was the Sumerians—these primitive blokes didn’t even waste 200 years. They had crystal-based cold fusion batteries and plasma weapons, yet they were still clothed in animal skins and didn't understand basic metallurgy. We had to send the Anunnaki to set them straight. We thought it worked. Instead of full-scale decimation, we just shut them down. The rest of the civilizations hadn’t caught up yet. We were hoping they wouldn’t. Yet here you are."

Unexpected Laughter

The human laughed. Vox looked concerned at this; the same situation had happened in these same halls countless times. The human never laughed. They would beg, they would plead, they would get violent—never laugh. The human was trying to talk through his laughter. An insectoid drone handed him a cylinder of water.

"You think mine is the only ark ship? No. I left last, that’s why you found me. I hadn’t cloaked yet. The three dreadnoughts escorting my ship were, however." At that exact moment, while poetic but unintentional, the station lost all power.

Keywords

• Ambassador Vox
• Human Plague
• Proxima
• FTL (Faster Than Light)
• Galactic Council
• War
• Fusion
• Patrol Vessel
• Galactic Constant
• Source World
• Hive Mind
• Lemuria
• Atlantis
• Brood
• Sirius System
• Sumerians
• Anunnaki
• Dreadnoughts
• Ark Ship

FAQ

Q: Who is Ambassador Vox?
A: Ambassador Vox is a character representing the Galactic Council, who views humans as a destructive plague.

Q: What is the main conflict in the story?
A: The main conflict is between humanity and the Galactic Council, with humans repeatedly developing advanced technologies and spreading, only to be curtailed by the Council.

Q: How long have humans been an issue in this quadrant?
A: According to Vox, humans have been an epidemic in this quadrant for about 4 million years.

Q: What is the human response to being called a virus?
A: The human initially denies the accusations and then, upon hearing about past cycles, declares war on the Galactic Council.

Q: What was the result of the human's laughter?
A: The human's laughter was unsettling to Vox and coincided with the station losing all power, suggesting that more human ships were nearby and prepared for conflict.