The End ??? #text #funny

Introduction

"What follows is a hypothetical text interaction turned into an article for humorous purposes. This is a work of fiction."

The Conversation

Emily's Current Boyfriend:
Emily, Emily, Emily. She's busy, lil bro.

Lil Bro (Her Ex):
What? I said she's busy, buddy. Now stop texting her phone. Who are you?

Emily's Current Boyfriend:
This is her daddy, her alpha protector, her boyfriend.

Lil Bro (Her Ex):
Boyfriend? Emily and I broke up a week ago. Move on, L bro. She was never yours, just your turn.

Emily's Current Boyfriend:
Why do you have her phone?

Lil Bro (Her Ex):
Because I'm her man and I do what I want. Give her the phone, please.

Emily's Current Boyfriend:
Little man, she's not into little guys. Are you that insecure? I've been to jail two times in the past year. I'm not afraid of the Matrix, and I'm not afraid to go again. I'm like the top G. Does that answer your question?

Lil Bro (Her Ex):
No, not really. Anyways, can you give the phone back to Emily, please? I need to speak with Emily.

Emily's Current Boyfriend:
Emily isn't able to come get the phone right now. She's busy with something a lot more fun.

Lil Bro (Her Ex):
Awesome, didn't ask, though. Can you have her call when she's done with whatever she's doing?

Emily's Current Boyfriend:
Nah, I don't really feel like it. She's going to be occupied for a while. She's about to give me that H Tua.

Lil Bro (Her Ex):
Look, bro, I know you're trying to put on this tough guy act and make me jealous, but I'm the one who broke up with her. I genuinely do not care, but I do need to speak with her for one minute. Can you please just give her the phone now?

Emily's Current Boyfriend:
Nah, whatever you have to tell her, you can tell me.

Lil Bro (Her Ex):
No, it's kind of awkward.

Emily's Current Boyfriend:
What do you want to tell her? Is it that you still love her, or that you miss her, or you made a really bad mistake and you'll never forget about her?

Lil Bro (Her Ex):
Just tell her she was right.

Emily's Current Boyfriend:
Right about what?

Lil Bro (Her Ex):
I've got HIV, herpes, hepatitis, chlamydia, trichomoniasis, syphilis, pubic lice—basically every STD.

(Silence.)

Lil Bro (Her Ex):
You there, lil bro?

Keywords

• Emily
• Boyfriend
• Ex-Boyfriend
• Text conversation
• Insecure
• Jail
• Phone access
• STD
• Humorous
• Fictional

FAQ

Q: Who initiated the conversation?
A: Emily's current boyfriend texted first to inform her ex that she is busy.

Q: Why does Emily's current boyfriend have her phone?
A: He claims he is her new man and does what he wants.

Q: What was the ex-boyfriend trying to convey to Emily?
A: He needed to inform her that she was right about him having multiple STDs.

Q: How did the current boyfriend respond to the ex’s request?
A: He refused to give the phone back to Emily and dismissed the ex’s need to communicate.

Q: What diseases does the ex-boyfriend claim to have?
A: HIV, herpes, hepatitis, chlamydia, trichomoniasis, syphilis, and pubic lice.

Q: Is this conversation real?
A: No, this is a fictional text interaction meant for humorous purposes.